You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
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