You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
