She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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