Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
