There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
