So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
