So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
