no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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