I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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