he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
