And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
