i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
one might say we're banned from that church
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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