Just fell off a train. Bad.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
