Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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