Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Randomize
