she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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