1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Randomize
