we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
