This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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