I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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