I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
