Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
