he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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