One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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