but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
