i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
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