Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize
