we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I queefed so loud it echoed.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Randomize
