Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
