Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
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