Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Randomize
