he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
The feeling are messing with the penis
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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