turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
