My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
