well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I looked at my own cervix.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
