i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Randomize
