youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
