Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
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