We need to rekindle our bromance
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
