It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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