I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
