Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I am one with the molecules
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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