This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
porn star boner night. come get it.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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