HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Randomize