I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Randomize
