Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
why do cheetos always look like penises
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
