Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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