just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
