i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
