Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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