Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Mom said you looked used
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Randomize
