ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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