Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
