oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
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