I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
