also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
oh god was she eating orange peels again
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
