Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Randomize
