new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
