Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
