totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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