this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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