I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
