it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Randomize
