She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
