Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Randomize
