Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
