my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
