All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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