We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Never underestimate the power of titties
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize