Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
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