Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
