Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
