everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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