i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize